


New Living Conditions

by movieexpert1978



Series: Christoph Waltz character stories: Hans Landa [1]
Category: Inglourious Basterds (2009)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood Drinking, Decisions, F/M, Supernatural Elements, Swearing, Vampire Bites
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2019-01-30 15:37:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12656436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/movieexpert1978/pseuds/movieexpert1978
Summary: Posted this originally on my tumblr account under the same name  https://movieexpert1978.tumblr.com/   feel free to check it out if your interested. I received a prompt from anonymous: This song is so us.  The prompt was taken from another blog. My blog is dedicated to writing stories based on the characters portrayed by actor Christoph Waltz.set in a modern AU Hans Landa is a vampire and he's found a human woman, Elisa that could be his feeder.Hans Landa is not my character and belongs to Quentin Tarantino.





	New Living Conditions

She walked down the corner and grumbled when she saw the group of kids wonder into the house. She couldn’t blame them though. It was almost Halloween and they suspected the place was haunted. Unfortunately for them Elisa had made it her place of living at the moment. There was a back way in as she crawled under the broken fence and quietly went inside. The kids were looking around with flashlights whispering and shushing each other. They walked quietly to keep the floor from creaking as Elisa pulled out her phone. Despite her home situation she managed to get a job at the local gas station. She had a check every week, which she cashed and put her money into a good phone with a somewhat cheap plan. She got on Youtube and pulled up so music and turned up the volume. One kid started screaming when the Michael Myers Halloween theme song started playing. She covered her mouth as once one kid screamed all the others did and they scrambled out of the house. The door was barely closed when she burst out laughing.

“Oh that’s rich, you silly kids.” She laughed. She stopped the video which was playing the track, so she could look up some other themes. The played the Jason Voorhees theme for a moment before moving on to Nightmare on Elm Street. “One, two Freddy’s coming for you.” She sang along for a moment before she switched again the piano theme from The Exorcist came up.

“This song is so us.” A voice called out.

“Holy Shit! The power of Christ compels you!” Elisa screamed as she turned around scrambling away as she closed the video. She fell against the wall with grunt and looked up to see an actually handsome older man looking at her with a curious gaze. “Are you a ghost?”

“Far from it.” He said walking closer to her. So he was solid so that was a good thing for starters. He had short dirty blonde hair and he was wearing something fancy in grey while he wore a nice black jacket that was lined with black fur. Ok, he was old fashioned too in a sense.

“What are you doing in my home?”

“You’re home? This place has been a dump for years now. I’m surprised you’re not a drug addict.” He huffed.

“Well fuck you too then.” She huffed. She went and grabbed an aluminum bat that had been left behind here and she swung it at him slowly.

“Really?” He said rolling his eyes.

“You’re trespassing. Get out!” She snapped.

“What’s your name?”

“What?”

“What…is…your…name…?” He repeated slowly making her grumble now.

“Elisa.” She answered. “What’s yours?”

“Hans Landa.”

“What is that German?”

“Austrian…but close enough. Usually they guess that I’m British.” He smirked.

“Sooo…what are you doing here?” She said confused.

“I’m a vampire and I’m hungry.” He stated. She burst out laughing as he frowned. He expected this too, but she didn’t laugh as long as some of the others.

“Ok…say I believe you…so how old are you?”

“I’m over a hundred years old.”

“You’re kinda young.”

“We’re expecting me to be thousands of years old?” He said rolling his eyes again.

“No…but maybe two hundred.”

“Hmm…fair enough.” He shrugged.

“Wait…were you in the wars.”

“Yes.”

“So you were a Nazis?”

“Just because I served in the S.S does not mean I was one. I never cared about their ideology. I was good at my job of finding Jews, which was how I became a Colonel. Once it was over I never looked back.” He nearly growled.

“Touchy?”

“Very.”

“Sorry…wait…do your eyes change color?” She asked inching closer. His hazel eyes changed to a bright blue and she gasped. “Wow…oh shit.” She muttered as she started to back away. “One more question?”

“Go on.”

“Do you sparkle?”

“What?” Hans said very confused.

“Do you sparkle in the sunlight?”

“Oh mein God…no! I don’t fucking sparkle. I can’t use my powers in daylight, but I can certainly walk around in the sun.” He stated.

“Yes! Fuck you Edward!” She jumped in air happily as Hans missed her Twilight reference. Hans growled and started moving, but he was surprised at how quick she reacted. He hadn’t had a young one in a while. She swung her bat like she knew how to use it as she looked like a player ready to hit a home run or in this case Hans. He inched closer and she kept swinging backing up from him. He had a clear view of the sleeping bag on the floor and he was waiting for her to trip. Instead, she shouted at him, trying desperately to no be frightened despite her pounding heartbeat that he was hearing. She charged forward swinging again and she actually spun around to get a bigger rang of her bat to try and hit him, but he was easily able to dodge it. She swung again and he caught it. Of course she tried to keep going with a soft grunt but he yanked it out of her hand and broke the aluminum bat in two with his bare hands. She didn’t watch him break it as she started heading for the door, but with his supernatural speed he grabbed her arm and shoved her to the floor. She tried to get up because of human instinct, but Hans was on her and with a sickening crunch his fangs were in her neck. She screamed in pain and felt tears come to her eyes as he started to drink from her. She was in pure agony. “Please…please stop!” She whimpered grabbing his arms, but he didn’t budge. “Please…it hurts…aahhh-it hurts.” She cried as she trembled against him. She felt herself getting weaker and weaker by the second as blackness started to come into her vision. “Please…no.” She whimpered out before she saw nothing but black.

Xxxxxxxx

Elisa gasped and coughed in pain when she woke up. Her body was hurting terribly and she feared that when she opened her eyes she would see nothing but flames and pitchforks. Instead she saw a lamp on a nightstand as she realized she was lying on a very comfortable bed.

“Oh great…I’m in purgatory.” She sighed bitterly. The room was plainly decorated as she slowly got out of bed on shaky feet. She managed to get to the door and opened it blinking as she saw that she was in a hallway now. Her legs felt so heavy as she kept walking until finally they gave out and she grunted as she hit the floor.

“You’re awake already?” Hans spoke as she looked up at him. She hid her shaking hands as he came up to her and gently picked her up. He carefully held her bridal style as she was taken into a nice looking loving room. He placed her down on the couch and stretched her out as she flinched in pain.

“Where am I?”

“You’re in my house.”

“You work?”

“Of course I do. I still have to survive in this world.” He stated.

“Oh…ok.” She said tiredly.

“You’ve been in bed for two days. You will be hurting for a while.” He explained.

“Why did you let me live?”

“I saw your memories.”

“My memories?”

“When a vampire drinks from someone they see memories of that person’s life. I saw yours and I decided not to drain you.”

“Oh joy.” She grumbled. “I’m not even good enough for a fucking vampire to finish me off.” She said bitterly and he couldn’t help but chuckle.

“I have a proposition for you.” He said and she looked at him confused. “You stay here with me and be my feeder and I’ll take care of you.”

“Is a feeder what I think it is?”

“You give me your blood from time to time, yes.” She looked at him with nervous eyes and he could hear her quick pulse. “I’ll give you some time to think about it. I know you need to heal first. I’ll give you three days. If you say yes then you’re staying here and if you say no I’ll let you go.”

“You won’t kill me?”

“No I won’t. You have my word.” He said holding out his hand. It took her a few moments, but she shook it in agreement. He got up and pulled out a plate of food for her from the kitchen. “I know you’ll feel like you’re not hungry, but you are. Once you start eating you’ll feel a little better.” He explained.

“Thank you.” She said taking the plate without complaint. He made sure to keep an eye on her for most of the day. The first day awake was always the most painful and usually he already had the person agree to be his feeder by this point. Elisa was very different than his usual audience. She was young and struggling to survive this harsh world. She had no family and had been put into the system at a very young age, which she managed to escape from. She traveled from place to place taking odd jobs and working hard when she settled into the house he found her in. She polite and thanked him from time to time as he helped her get around until finally he carried her to bed. “I’m not too heavy am I?” She blushed.

“Not really.” He said as he sat her down. “I took the liberty of buying you some clothes, including some night time wear.” He said holding up a t-shirt and shorts.

“How did you know my size?”

“I looked at your other clothes.” He said pointing to the pile in the corner.

“Oh…duh.” She muttered. “Well thank you, but could you hand me that tang top? I get hot at night.” He was quick to get it and hand it to her.

“I’m sorry to say I wouldn’t recommend a shower until tomorrow, since you still don’t have enough strength to walk a ways yet so you don’t have enough strength to keep yourself up.” He explained. She nodded in agreement as she looked around the room again seeing if anything changed, which of course nothing did.

“Thank you again for all your help today.” She said sincerely.

“You’re welcome. Sleep well fraulein.”

Xxxxxxx

She groaned when someone woke her up and she looked to see Hans was staring at her.

“Time for breakfast.”

“What time is it?”

“Ten.”

“Oh…ok.” She groaned as she got up. He helped her sit up as she rubbed her eyes to wake up.

“How are you feeling?”

“Not as bad as yesterday. Now I’m just sore.” She said stretching her arms. She pulled the sheets off and slowly got out of bed with Hans close by in case she fell. “I feel like I did leg day, arm day, shoulder day, hip day and every body part day.” She sighed.

“Do some stretches they will help. I’m sorry for the pain.” He said sympathetically. He left her the change and she slowly came into the kitchen where breakfast was waiting on the counter for her.

“Your food is delicious.” She said between bites.

“Thank you.” He nodded as he drank some coffee and ate himself.

“Sorry if this question is annoying, but you eat people food too?”

“Of course I do. I still have a human body I have to take care of.”

“So…blood only really is a booster for your vampire powers so speak like your super strength and speed and such.” She continued.

“Exactly.”

“Got it.” She said with a thumbs up. “Uummm…where are we?”

“Outside of town.”

“I take it you’ve had feeders before?”

“Yes.”

“Did you turn anyone?”

“I’ve turned two people.”

“How come you’re not with them?”

“Because that’s what they wanted.”

“Oh…sorry.” She said quietly and resumed eating. “Sorry I didn’t mean to…”

“I know. New people always have questions. By the way I looked up your Edward and sparkle thing and now I get the Twilight reference.” He said trying to change the mood. She burst out laughing and ended up giggling for a moment or two.

“I had to ask. I hate that shit. You’re a real vampire and don’t fuck around.” She laughed. He only nodded as he watched her. She certainly had an interesting personality. “So…what’s your job?”

“I still do business in the military from time to time.”

“You should be a fashion model. That coat your wore the other day looked really good on you.” She complimented. He left for a moment before he came back with a small portfolio and she opened it. “No way!” She gasped as she looked at the pictures. He was wearing more dark clothing and a gothic setting.

“This is part time work for me too.” He teased.

“How did you get this!?”

“One of my past feeders was in the fashion business. She took a few pictures, showed her boss, and I got invited in for a shoot and I’ve been in several more sense then.” He explained.

“Hot damn!” She grinned. He made a face to himself as he put the portfolio away. “I know, I’m weird.” She called out as he walked away.

“You said it not me.”

“Wait a minute that makes no sense! You’re the vampire, but I’m weird.” She said and he chuckled quietly. They finished breakfast and he cleared the plates away as she looked around the house. “Your house is lovely too.”

“Thank you. You have nice manners.”

“I try.” She shrugged.

“How old are you?”

“Twenty-four.”

“You’re a bit young.”

“Ok?” She said confused. “Well just remember you came into my house.” She insisted.

“It’s an abandoned house and I’ve actually been watching you for a few weeks.”

“Pervert.”

“No…more of I was deciding if I should bite you or not.”

“Oh joy.” She grumbled sarcastically.

“Would you like me to lie or tell you the truth?”

“Sorry.” She muttered quickly.

“You’re not really good at this are you?” He said curiously.

“I’m homeless. What do you think?”

“I didn’t say that to be insulting. It’s always awkward and difficult at first.” He said calmly. He patted her shoulder in comfort and she nodded. “Come on…let me show you around the house.” He said holding out his hand. He showed her the lovely place and it was a nice house with a full basement. He even showed her his room.

“So no coffin?” She teased.

“No I don’t have a coffin.” He huffed at her, but she only laughed. They continued their day as Elisa asked questions from time to time. “Do you have any children?”

“No.”

“Could you still make them if you wanted to?”

“My condition makes me sterile and I never wanted children.” He finished. She only nodded as she finished up her dinner.

“I take it you left Austria after the war?”

“I was sent to France during it, but yes I left Europe, came to America. I went back to Vienna in the 80’s and stayed there for a bit before I moved back to America.”

“Why?”

“Wanted something different again.” He shrugged. She only nodded as she did her best to help him clean up. They parted for the night and she was so relived to take a shower and it made her feel so much better before she fell asleep.

Xxxxxx

The next morning she woke up on her own and got dressed before Christoph knocked at the door. She opened it and followed him out where he started teaching her some cooking skills, which she was very thankful for because given that she had no home, she couldn’t learn how to cook much.

“What’s it like to be a feeder.” She asked bluntly.

“Well I’m not going to nearly drain you like I did before.” He started. “I just take a little bit from you every few weeks.”

“Weeks?”

“I don’t need blood every day and even then I can drink the blood of animals…or if I’m feeling frisky get some from the butcher.” He said licking his lips. “Animal blood doesn’t satisfied like human blood, but it helps. Human blood stops the cravings, so to speak.”

“It’s like a drug for you.”

“Yes.”

“What would you do?” She asked. He got up and looked at her in the eyes before he spoke.

“I would make sure you were comfortable and relaxed. Make sure you’re calm and your pulse is normal.” His voice was practically hypnotic as they stared at each other. He gently caressed her face and she felt herself shiver. “I would slowly go for your neck.” He rasped as he leaned in closer. He kissed her skin lightly before he pulled away. “To be blunt, bites hurt. There’s no sugar coating it. Hard bite to a neck or a soft bite to the wrist it’s going to hurt.” He stated. “Do you understand that?”

“I’m not saying yes yet, I just want to know what I would be getting into if I did say yes.” She added.

“I know, but I still need you to understand that bites hurt and for the next two, three days you will be tired, but I will take care of you. When you get your strength back things will go back to normal until I have to feed from you again.” He finished.

“I understand.” She said firmly. “Am I allowed to work?”

“No I don’t want you working. I let one feeder to that once and they almost collapsed from exhaustion. You’ll be fine here.”

“So I’m stuck with you most of the day?” She teased playfully.

“No. I’m off for the moment but next week I’m going to be in my study working on military things.” He explained.

“We’ll I’ll find something to do.” She shrugged.

“You still have one more day fraulein.” He said.

“Can you hypnotize people?”

“No, it’s called seduction my dear.” He smirked.

“Well you certainly made me feel calm.” She sighed.

“Feeders need to be comfortable and treated well. It might not seem like much other vampires, but it’s still a lot of work.”

“Were you a feeder once?”

“For a short while before I was turned.”

“Man or woman?”

“A woman.”

“Is she still alive?”

“Don’t know, don’t care.”

“Ouch, you didn’t part on good terms.”

“Not at all.”

“When were your turned?”

“Two years after the end of World War two.”

“I guess we’ve both been through a lot.”

“Something like that.”

Xxxxxxxxx

On the third day, Hans didn’t knock at the door. She didn’t mind though as she was sitting on the bed thinking of what to do. Yes, Hans was a bit difficult and a bit of an asshole at times…well almost all the time, but at least he was honest to her about what was going to happen if she’d stayed. She was still nervous about the idea of staying because he was a vampire after all. He could lose control or kick her out or something like that. He could kill her, but at the same time he basically saved her life. She didn’t have any place to go. She didn’t have any family or friends. It was nice to be around someone for once, even though he wasn’t human. She took a deep breath to steady herself before she got up and changed for the day. She entered the kitchen and found him drinking some coffee and reading a book.

“Good morning.” He spoke first looking at her.

“Good morning.” She nodded coming up to him.

“Would you like some coffee?”

“No thank you. I actually don’t like coffee.” She said as he got up. He gave her a funny face as she smirked, reaching into the fridge and made herself a glass of orange juice.

“Are you feeling alright?”

“I feel a lot better thank you.” She said. He looked at her as she swallowed nervously. “Ummm…” She took a deep breath again as she looked at him. “I decided I want to stay with you.” She said.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“You know there’s no going back from this.”

“I know…but I really don’t have anything to go back to.”

“I just wanted to make sure we’re clear in this.”

“I know and thank you.” She said and took another deep breath. “So…what happens now?”

“Would like me to teach you how to cook?”

“I would love that.”

Xxxxxxxxxx

It had been nearly a month since Elisa decided to stay with Hans and she noticed he was getting agitated. While it made her nervous she figured it was a sign that he was hungry for her again. That night she took a shower before getting ready for bed. She heard a knock at the door and she opened it to see Hans.

“I’m a vampire and I’m hungry.” He repeated his words from when they first might and she had to laugh. She knew he was trying not to scare her as he let her into the room and they sat down on the bed. “Are you comfortable here?” He asked calmly.

“Yes, very comfortable.” She nodded. He brushed some wet hair out of her face as he started to lean in closer. She did her best to hide her shaking as he kept coming.

“Don’t be afraid.” He whispered as he tenderly kissed her temple. “You’re safe. You’re safe, I promise.” He whispered rubbing her arms.

“I’m sorry it’s just…”

“I know, the anticipation of the pain. It’s alright fraulein. You know I’ll take care of you.” He whispered. She nodded as he helped her lay down comfortable. He rubbed her arm as he kissed her bare shoulder before going up to her neck. She was taking deep breaths to calm herself when she felt a cold rush over her. She closed her eyes tightly not wanting to see his bright blue eyes as his fangs emerged and sank into her neck. She cried out in pain and grabbed at him to try and steady herself as he remained still.

“Hans.” She whimpered out, but he didn’t respond as he was still attached to her neck. She sobbed when he started drinking from her and her short nails dug into his arms as he drank. She felt like she was going to pass out when he finally pulled away and she was gasping frantically.

“Elisa…focus on me.” He stated. His eyes were hazel and she didn’t see blood on him as he held her face. “Take deep breaths for me.” He instructed. He helped get her breathing back to normal before he bandaged up her neck. She was asleep not long afterwards and he decided to stay with her for the night. It might help for the morning. He closed his eyes for a moment and her memories flashed before him. They were mostly of their time together as he taught her how to cook, her cleaning around the house, and her teasing him from time to time and he fake frowned at her. He smiled to himself at how warm they felt to him. This one was different.

In truth, he was glad she decided to stay.   


End file.
